I Got Busier After I Had a Baby…But Not How You’d Think

I’m not quite sure what I did with all the time I had pre-baby.

There were weekends, but what did I do with them?

There were long stretches of free time in the evenings after work, but where did that time go?

Time was so unmanaged, unscripted, free for the taking.

Now I have a 2-soon-to-be-3-year old and time is anything but free!  But the funny thing is, it feels like I use it so much more wisely now.  Before, a weekend might have ended without much to show for it.  Now, there are trips to the park, home improvements, house cleaning, all that standard fare…but there’s more, too.  I’d estimate that most of my “busy” activities aren’t the kid-centric ones on the calendar.

Maybe I spend time writing (I spent the last year writing a novel).  Maybe I spend time continuing to learn a new skill (currently quilting).  Other times I might try my hand at baking bread, attending a community action meeting, or volunteering.

But how?

I feel like ever since I had a kid, time has become infinitely more precious.  While I love the downtime we have as a family — the occasional unstructured weekend evening, the leisurely brunch here and there — I find that I am the best version of myself when I am investing and redirecting my lazy unstructured time towards concrete actions and goals.  So I got busier after I had a kid because suddenly, the amount of time that could be channeled got smaller, and became more important to be used as wisely as possible.

And there’s something about having a child that also makes you reassess how you’re spending the free time you had.  For me, watching my favorite reruns of How I Met Your Mother and The Office (a favorite pastime pre-baby) suddenly felt like a waste of the small amount of time I did have to schedule for non-baby-related activities.  Was my brain friend?  Yes.  Are there still times when I veg out in front of a show?  Sure, sometimes (often with nachos when it happens, because I like to live my best life).  But just as the time I have with my daughter is precious, so is my free time.

So I schedule it like crazy.  Sometimes it means I’m investing that free time in my community and by building friendships.  Sometimes it means I’m investing it by investing in myself at the gym, or by working on the ol’ novel.  Sometimes it means I’m investing in my skills.  And somehow, it feels like the more of myself I give away, the more I get back.  The more I stretch myself, the more that time gives back to me.  I wasn’t sure how I would fit in some of the things I do outside of my job or my parenting responsibilities, but I’ve figured it out.  And it’s always been worth it to do this stuff, even when it means sacrificing some of the more leisurely ways I used to spend my time (see: HIMYM, etc).

I’m not saying trading your hard-won TV time or porch-sitting time is the right move for everyone.  At the end of a long day, you can definitely still find me porch-sitting from time to time!  But I’ve found that I feel most productive, most like myself, most proud of my time spent, when I’m carving out the time to be busier.  I’m not saying you should drop everything and spend every spare minute at the soup kitchen or shelter — but if you find yourself thinking that you want to help and aren’t sure you have the time or energy…my advice is to try it, and see how it feels and how it works for you.  Because you never know.  It could be that by actively scheduling the things that help you invest in yourself, you’re busier…but happier too.

Everyone says people pride themselves on their business, and that may be true.  But I don’t like to think I’m patting myself on the back for being busy.  I am proud of myself, though, for figuring out what makes me feel like the best version of myself, and finding ways to lean into that.  It means I got busier after having a kid, but it also means I feel more balanced than I ever did before.