7 Simple Spells You Need to Perfect NOW to Ward Off the Preschool Yucks

It’s the moooooooost wonderful tiiiiiiiime of the year!

If by “most wonderful” we all mean “time for the child in preschool to bring back every snotty cold, gross stomach bug, and case of the Yucks from preschool to share with the rest of the family, especially the baby, most DEFINITELY the baby because *of course*.”  We all meant that, right? Okay then.

In my house, it’s already begun.  I know, I know — it’s almost like the kids are pre-gaming for preschool yucks now.  I swear literally driving to preschool the first day, I heard the fateful sound of phantom sniffling coming from the back seat.  “Are you sniffling back there? Do you need a tissue?” I might have asked delicately, tentatively, as though if I’m ever so meet and quiet about it, the germs might not see me.  

I know better now, of course.  That’s right, with these seven simple spells to warding off the preschool yucks, you’ll have the most magic of school years yet!*  In the same way Hermione Granger taught us all to say Wingardium Leviosa properly, I shall school you in these magical spells!

1. Sneezardium Coveruposa.  Say this whenever a child fires a cannon of coughs or sneezes at you, inevitably forgetting to cover their mouth.
2. Elderberrio Vitamindium.  Take those vitamins!  Why are you even complaining child, they’re gummies!  
3. Accio Pediatrician!  For those times when you worry you’ve missed the limited weekend hours window.
4. Lumos Thermometer…osa.  For when you really need to see the thermometer’s reading in the dim light but the night light across the room is too dim to see and you’re squinting and the child is sweating, argh.
5. Bat-Boogie Hex. Obviously turns boogies into bats.  Though I’m not sure how this is BETTER in your house.  Maybe only use outside.
6. Confundo Germos.  I should have used this one in the car to confuse the germs away from us all, obviously.
7. Expecto Favorite Stuffed Animal.  Because sometimes, that’s really all you can do.  Summon that stuffie. Oh yeah. And as Harry Potter taught us all: maybe the final spell is not so magical at all.  In addition to that stuffie, be sure to bring an extra heaping dose of a mother’s love.